... the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for,
but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Romans 8:26
My father passed away recently, and I found myself in a very desolate place. Although I have experienced mild depression on occassion throughout my life, I suffered a heightened anxiety like never before. The emotional exhaustion of dealing with doctors, nurses and caregivers, coupled with watching my mother’s dementia skyrocket and my father’s once commanding presence slip away; sent me into a place of extreme apprehension. I could not function normally or see my way out of the fog.
Logically, I knew the things that took me to this place. Of course, losing one parent while the other experienced great stress played a large part. Then there was the thought of losing my own husband (who is several years my senior and suffers some of the same health issues as my father). Finally, the overwhelming feeling that nothing would ever pull me back to everyday life.
Simply put, in my mind, I was alone. In spite of the fact that I have a wonderful husband who was right by my side, dear sisters walking this road with me and loving children stepping in wherever needed. Even though I know I have a Lord and Savior who will never leave or forsake me… I still experienced loneliness.
If you have never suffered from depression or anxiety, or have never suffered the loss of a loved one, you may not be able to comprehend such a struggle. I do know, however, that plenty of God’s people can not only appreciate what I am sharing, but may also need to be reminded, as did I, that God understands.
Scripture is filled with times where God’s people go into dark places and suffer a separation from God’s peace. The most famous being Job, as he lay writhing in pain, “For sighing has become my daily food; my groans pour out like water” (Job 3:24).
David is known throughout the book of Psalms for crying out to God in anguish. Naomi chose to believe God was punishing her, and Jeremiah is known as, well… a lamenter.
Jesus, Himself experienced overwhelming sorrow. For example, just before He was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.’” (Matthew 26:38). And again on the cross, “About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’)” (Matthew 27:46).
Obviously, my time of sorrow could never compare with that of Jesus; but it is comforting to know that, having been fully man, He understands - and being also fully God, He cares!
Praise the Lord! If all we can do in our times of sorrow, is simply lay back in our weakness and let our hearts moan and His Spirit groan, we are still heard by our loving Father! Not only can we be sure our God is with us, but God often uses those times to let His perfect love shine through.
For although it will take a long time for my mom to adjust to life on earth without my dad, as she watched her husband of 67 years pass into eternity, God lifted her fog of dementia like a veil.
God gave me a great gift as well, as I was stuck in that desolate place. He allowed me (in my mind) to walk my ailing father down a road to meet Him. There God promptly took away my Dad’s walker, removed his oxygen and said, “you will no longer need these things.” As I handed my earthly dad to my heavenly Father, I felt at peace.
While it did take some time for me to fully emerge from the cloud and, of course I still mourn my dad’s passing; God is faithful, and He did bring me back to everyday life - ready to serve Him with more passion than ever!
Deb Devine 05/2021
Photo Credit: Kevron2001 (istock)
All Verses from New International Version (NIV)
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