In my blog (The Brevity of Life) written last January, I wrote regarding my mother, “We are grateful that she is still with us, yet we are bracing ourselves for the inevitable. As she draws closer to the end of her physical life, her deterioration is increasing at a more rapid rate. Rather than see her suffer, we are praying for a quiet and restful passing - even though it means saying good-bye for now.”
We thought, at that time, she would surely pass before her birthday in March, but our mom proved tougher than we thought. She was with us until the middle of September, and though her passing was anticipated, that day took us all (her nurse included) by surprise. My daughter, who lovingly called her grandmother “sneaky and sassy,” said, “Grandma snuck out on us!” I think she might be on to something.
Even so, our family was very blessed by the way she passed - in her sleep, comfortable and with no pain. I had spoken briefly with my mom just an hour before I found she had gone, as I tended to her morning needs, so I was sure of her gentle passing. What comfort this brought to us all. Whether God and my mom were in cahoots with one-another or not, God blessed us with more time, while also honoring our prayers for a quiet passing.
As you may have noticed, I haven’t really been on top of writing blogs since then. The obvious reasons have been the need to spend time with family, which included making funeral arrangements and laying our mom to rest; but most of all, I needed time to mourn my mother’s passing – an ongoing process. Although very sad, I found my mother’s passing easier to handle than my father’s. Not to say I was not close to my mother. Just the opposite, in fact. My mom and I were extremely close, and that only grew as I cared for her in my home the last three years of her life.
Even before my dad passed, my heart ached for my mother’s loss of her husband. Because we were so close, when I saw her in pain, I felt deeply for her – especially as her dementia rose during the stress of my dad’s time in end-of-life hospice and the years following. So, since my mother’s passing, I have been confused with the reality that I had a tougher time with my dad’s passing. As I pondered this with, to be honest, some guilt, I realize that my closeness to my mother may be the reason I was able to let her go somewhat easier. Like my father, she is now free of an ill-functioning body. She also no longer has to fight with a fading mind, and the pain of missing her husband of 68 years is now over.
I also realized that I have been mourning her passing for many years. Since my parents moved to Minnesota to be near family, my mom and I were like girlfriends. We shopped together, had lunch together, and talked on the phone daily (even during her winter stents in Florida). As she aged, this relationship was slowly taken from me. Our friendship turned back to more mother/daughter, until the tables turned completely. She was very well aware that our roles were reversing. I had now become her caregiver. While at first, she fought it, eventually she admitted the need for help and was grateful for it. Still, when I had to remind her of something, she would playfully (yet also sarcastically) say, “yes, Mother!” When I helped her with dressing, she would remind me of when I was little and she dressed me. Soon I was tucking her in at night, as she giggled and teased. Over time, she had become my little girl.
Losing my mom over such a long period didn’t make the loss less painful when she finally did pass. It did, however, make it easier to let her go. I had participated in her decline and shared in her last days. Unlike with my father’s passing where a panic attack took me from his side, I was able to hold her still warm body in my arms. I knew in my heart that, like my dad was now breathing freely, she too was running free. With my mom, I have no regrets, no unsaid words, just the finality of a life lived together. As painful as it is, maybe that is why I was able to accept her passing easier than my dad’s. I had journeyed with her as close as I could, until the point where no-one could have remained by her side. No-one but Jesus, and I was so grateful to know He was leading her home!
I could end on that note, beautiful as it is, but that would be leaving out the most important part – the purpose of sharing my experience. Forgive me if I use more of my (slightly changed) words from the blog I previously mentioned.
No matter how good or bad the year before, we always start a new year with the hope of a better one. This is the human condition. We are always hoping for better days ahead. We dream about the future, worry about the future, even plan for, the future. Yet, if we are truthful, we often fear looking too far ahead, to the end of life, and into eternity. To do so would mean facing something that is beyond our full comprehension; something seemingly mysterious, unknown, and therefore better left to, well… the future.
Whether a follower of Christ or not, we all face a time when we question our lives. This usually leads to looking beyond this life and into eternity. The good news is that it needn’t be frightening! God gave us His One and Only Son, Jesus, who led by righteous example, and paid the ransom for all our sins with His life. Dying for our freedom, Jesus conquered death and arose to rule His Father’s Kingdom. If we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God gives us His Holy Spirit; the Wonderful Counselor to guide us through life. So, when we accept salvation through Jesus, we needn’t worry about eternity.
“Now this is eternal life:
that they know you, the only true God,
and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” John 17:3
If there is a way to be at peace with the passing of our loved ones, and a way not to fear our own passing, wouldn’t you want to know? Well, there is! If you do not know the salvation of Jesus, please read the Bible, take time to get to know Him, and accept His beautiful offer of eternal salvation. If you are already a believer, do not keep such wonderful news to yourself. Don’t be left with regrets. Share the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus today. For you never know when someone you love might “sneak out” on you!
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