You may have noticed that I have not written anything here in quite a while. I have entered a new season in my life and I have not quite adjusted. My parents recently moved into assisted living while at the same time, my husband retired. This new year has truly been just that - so much NEW! And while I am fully aware that my husband and I are now that two-sided generation - the one with grand-kids and aged parents, I have been reminded of the interview that I did with my in-laws and parents when they were that generation. At the time I dubbed them "seniors" because I was far enough away from it that I didn't realize how quickly it would come upon me. I still have a few years to go before anyone will call me a senior, but with an older husband and five grandchildren, I am more aware of what is on my horizon. Allow me to share words of wisdom from my family's beloved seniors (those still with us and those who are now with the Lord).
Through the Eyes of Our Elders
What Seniors Have to Say About What Really Matters
By: Deborah S. Devine - Written in 2008
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NIV). A most popular Bible verse many quote, yet too few of us live our everyday lives with eternity in mind. Our ability to live “eternally focused” is hindered in part by both the busyness of our lives and what we allow this world to instill in us as important. Therefore, it often isn’t until later in life that a person is able to see the contrast between what they have long thought and what really does, matter.
Now I am guilty of telling my children that the grandparent they are so enthralled with, “…is not the same person I grew up with!” People often joke about a senior’s change of demeanor with sayings such as, “they are old now, and trying to get into heaven!” I’m sure part of the reason a person changes their views later in life is because they are faced more and more with their own earthly mortality. But I am just now starting to appreciate that it could very well be more about the wisdom they have acquired. I have come to realize that the older a person gets the more in tune they become with God’s values. Even those who do not acknowledge God or Christ’s deity have a tendency to start honoring values found in His Word as they age. I have to believe this is evidence of God working in their hearts, as I have experienced too much of God to think this is mere coincidence. Unfortunately there are exceptions, hearts that are hardened. But for the most part we can learn much by looking through the eyes of our elders. After all, who better to look to about the important things in life, then those who have lived it? I went to the seniors in my life for their perspectives. I found that what they now determine to be important in life clearly compliments how God has taught us to live “eternally” through His Word.
Many live their lives with the idea that what Jesus did to secure their eternity will only matter when it comes time for their earthly death. My father-in-law would disagree. When I asked him what he would change he replied, “I would not have waited until I was in my forties to ask Jesus into my heart.” This comes from a man who has known of Jesus all his life. He was doing what he thought best to raise his many sons with that same knowledge. Yet it was in fact one of those sons who later in life shared with him the wonderful news that Christ wants to be more than our Savior; He wants to be our friend. Jesus says in John 15:13-15, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (NIV).
Truly believing in Christ takes action. It requires following His commands, seeking to know Him through His Word, conversing with Him through prayer and allowing His Spirit to guide us. It is not until someone allows for that personal relationship with Jesus, that they experience all the wonderful blessings that come with it. My father-in-law is able to draw a distinct line where knowledge of Christ became knowing Christ and the difference that made in his life. Once he sought after Jesus with his heart, he was able to rely on Jesus not only for salvation upon his death, but for strength and guidance in this life. And it is not until we learn that living for eternity doesn’t start when we die, but here and now, that we can begin to become eternally focused.
My mother-in-law has lung cancer. Those are some of the hardest words I will ever write. Yet because of how she has handled it, she has been one of the most inspirational people in my life. I was most curious as to what she would say when asked the all popular question, “If you knew then, what you know now…” I was blown away by the simplicity and profoundness of her advice, “do not worry.” She told me she would not have stressed so much about life but would have “let God ...”
My mother-in-law gave birth to eight boys. Over the years she ran several businesses, provided adult foster care for the elderly and disabled and kept an immaculate home. She has shared stories with me like how she used to get down on her hands and knees and scrub the basement floor! Personally, I have always liked the “lived-in” look. But even with all of her hard work, she still found time to worry. She worried about her family, she worried about her finances; she worried about her future. Today my mother-in-law lives in her own home with her husband of almost sixty years. She lives close to her eight boys, has thirty grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren. All have a heart for Christ. Jesus asks us, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life” (Matthew 6:27 NIV)? My mother-in-law did not add to her life by worrying, but she will be the first to tell you that worry contributed to the cancer that now threatens it. She practices “letting God” on a daily basis. Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me” (John 14:1 NIV). My mother-in-law can’t help but think eternally, and it is indeed a profound and humbling experience when you witness someone truly trusting God with their life, and their death.
Let’s be honest, we all sometimes imagine what it would be like to win the lottery. Still I was surprised to hear my mother, when asked about what age has taught her reply, “an appreciation of everything I have.” My mother has always been a very grateful, giving person yet she confided that she sometimes dreamt of having more; a bigger house, a bit more money. She is now content with her financial status in life. This is not to say she doesn’t ponder the future, but she doesn’t dwell on “bigger and better” things. My mother has found contentment.
She and my father live most months in a senior park in Florida. They own what is called a coach in that area, though some would refer to it as a mobile home. I went for a visit one year. Although the homes are modest, I found a nicely maintained park with a homey atmosphere. The people were warm and friendly, what my mother calls “real.” It is a caring community where they look out for each other. No one is trying to compete with or “out-do” another, except perhaps with Christmas decorations! Everyone seems content with what they have and they enjoy life. This is a community that has learned that people are more important than possessions. First Timothy 6:6-7 reads, “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it” (NIV). For some people, life is a daily struggle for mere survival. Yet often these are the people who are most likely to live with eternity in mind. They focus on God because He is their hope and comfort. Most of us on the other hand, live in a world of choices. There is so much that can and often does take our focus off God. We need to be aware of our natural ability to get so caught up in what we can get our hands on today that we forget about tomorrow, let alone eternity.
My father did not hesitate for even a moment when I asked him what he has learned to be of importance. His immediate response was, “family.” A few years ago I was involved in planning a celebration for my parent’s fiftieth wedding anniversary. My father expressed early on that he and my mother did not want it to be a celebration of just their union, but also of their children. They wanted to celebrate our entire family. He formed a word describing what this event would be. That word is familiaphilia (fa mil e ah feel e ah), derived from the Latin familia, meaning “family” and the Greek stem philia, meaning “love of something.” He defined it as, “love of family enabling the celebration of family ties.” Now my father would be the first to admit that he did not always fully appreciate his wife and children. In his eyes, we revolved around him and his life. It was not until well after retirement that he came to not only appreciate his wife and children, but the relational experience of family.
In the Bible, we read of family ties from Genesis to Revelation. All God’s blessings flow through family. In John 1:12 we are told of Christ, “Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God” (NIV). Family clearly matters to God. What matters most is bringing His children home to Him for eternity. And if this is what matters most to God, it should certainly be what matters most to us. We have a kingdom family here on earth. A family that we are commanded to love. When asked what the most important commandment is, Jesus answered, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31 NIV). It is through love that Jesus is revealed to others, for it is by love that God saved us. “This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him” (1 John: 9 NIV). Familiaphilia - a word my earthly father derived, a word my Heavenly Father defines.
In First John 5:13, John concludes his epistle with, “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life” (NIV). Why would eternal life be of importance to us before our death, unless we are to start living eternally focused while we are still living this life? So how do we live eternally focused? It is not by sitting around imagining what heaven will be like someday. Nor is it waiting until death is upon us before we look to God. It cannot be done while our hearts our focused on earthly possessions and gain. Nor can we think only of our own eternal life. We must live as directed in God’s Word, the way our elders have learned to live. In order to live eternally focused we must believe in Jesus, trust in God, find contentment, and lovingly share Christ with the kingdom family. Because truly, that is all that really matters.
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